Newsom Mocks Trump’s Health Report with Satirical Medical Release

The rivalry between California Governor Gavin Newsom and President Donald Trump took a comedic turn this week as Newsom’s office released a satirical health report following Trump’s recent medical disclosures. The memo from the White House, which included details from Trump’s MRI conducted in October 2023, prompted Newsom’s team to craft an absurdly humorous response aimed at undermining Trump’s self-described physical prowess.

In a bid to respond to the White House’s claims of Trump’s health, Newsom’s press office circulated a mock assessment attributed to the fictional Dr. Dolittle. This character, known for his ability to talk to animals, set the tone for a document that was less about serious medical evaluation and more about satire. The report humorously dubbed Newsom as the “healthiest human currently alive,” boasting exaggerated claims like his bone density resembling that of a “redwood” tree.

The mock report cleverly mirrored the exaggerated language often employed by Trump when discussing his own health. It asserted that Newsom’s heart rate was so calm it appeared he was “meditating or just naturally enlightened.” Furthermore, it declared his cardiovascular scans to be the “best we’ve ever seen,” poking fun at Trump’s penchant for embellishment.

This satirical commentary did not stop at health assessments. The release took direct aim at Trump’s performance in office, highlighting that, unlike the President, Newsom manages to complete full workdays without “falling asleep in meetings.” It also noted that the Governor does not require “executive time,” a term associated with Trump’s unstructured time often spent watching television and tweeting.

The press release concluded with a pointed jab about Trump’s posture, stating that Newsom is “able to stand upright without looking like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.” This remark referenced the ongoing speculation regarding Trump’s posture during public appearances, further adding to the comedic nature of the mock report.

In a light-hearted yet critical tone, Newsom’s office stated, “While we do not typically comment on the health of other elected officials, we are aware of a letter released today from the White House claiming that President Trump is in excellent health.” This comment highlights the absurdity of the situation without issuing a formal rebuttal.

The White House had previously released a memo detailing Trump’s health status, prepared by his physician, Sean Barbabella. The memo indicated that Trump’s MRI in October included “advanced imaging” as part of a standard executive physical, concluding with the assessment that his cardiovascular and abdominal results were “perfectly normal.” However, during an exchange with reporters, Trump created confusion over the specifics of his MRI, admitting he had “no idea” which part of his body was scanned.

Trump’s remarks, combined with the lack of clarity regarding the necessity of a “preventative” MRI, provided an opening for Newsom to deliver his satirical response. Medical professionals note that such MRIs are not standard routine screenings. This exchange between the two political figures illustrates a continuing trend in American politics where humor and satire play a significant role in public discourse.

As the political landscape evolves, the dynamic between Newsom and Trump showcases how personal rivalries can manifest in creative and unexpected ways. While the health assessment may have been intended as a joke, it underscores the ongoing scrutiny both leaders face in a contentious political climate. With the presidential race approaching, the banter between California and Washington is likely to continue, highlighting the intersection of politics and performance in today’s media-driven world.