Siblings Devote Lives to Care for 98-Year-Old Mother in Buckie

The daily life of Gordon Duncan and Elizabeth Dinwoodie revolves around caring for their 98-year-old mother, Jenny Duncan, in their Buckie home. As her health declines, the siblings face emotional and physical exhaustion while ensuring she remains safe and comfortable. Jenny, who retired from her position as a cleaner at a local law firm in 2019, now struggles with severe sight impairment and limited mobility, requiring constant support.

Both Gordon, aged 70, and Elizabeth, aged 74, are determined to provide the best care for their mother, often feeling that without their assistance, Jenny would be unable to live independently. Gordon expressed the challenges they face: “Unless Elizabeth and I step back totally from caring for mam, we’re not going to get any care at all.”

Despite the acknowledgment of external support from social workers and nursing staff, the reality is stark. “There would be no overlap between us stepping back and a care package being put in place,” he added. “This is obviously never going to happen. We’ll do whatever it takes for mam. We can’t walk away.” The siblings also face barriers in accessing respite care, leaving them with limited options for relief.

Caring for Jenny is a full-time commitment. Elizabeth explained their daily routine, stating, “We come in about 10 o’clock and we get her washed and dressed. Mam needs a lot of personal care.” The siblings manage household tasks while ensuring Jenny enjoys her meals and gets necessary assistance throughout the day. Gordon returns in the evening to share supper with Jenny, and Elizabeth often comes back later to help with her bedtime routine.

Jenny’s health challenges are compounded by the risk of falls, which have necessitated emergency responses from the siblings. Gordon detailed the emotional toll of caregiving: “It’s 24 hours looking after mam, you can never really switch off.” The stress often disrupts their sleep, leading to a constant state of vigilance. “You’re lying sleeping at night, but you’re not, really. You’re always on edge,” Gordon noted.

Their devotion to Jenny is palpable, yet it comes with a heavy emotional and physical price. “We’re both exhausted, in fact mam’s exhausted, too,” Gordon stated. “I struggle sometimes, but you can’t lose steam, can you? Mam couldn’t survive without us.”

The impact of this caregiving dynamic has affected Jenny’s outlook on life. In a candid moment, she shared, “Sometimes I wish I was dead, that’s the truth. I wish I went to bed and didn’t awaken.” This poignant statement highlights the emotional strain experienced not only by the caregivers but also by the care recipient.

The family’s experience reflects a broader issue faced by many families who provide full-time care for elderly relatives. Gordon emphasized that they are not alone in their struggles, noting, “We know we’re not the only ones in this situation—there are so many other families out there that face the same as us as their daily reality.”

As the Duncan siblings continue their tireless commitment to their mother, they embody the challenges and sacrifices of caregivers everywhere. Their story is a testament to the love and dedication that defines familial bonds, even in the face of overwhelming adversity.