Balancing Caregiving at 58: A Struggle for Personal Space

At 58 years old, many individuals envision a time for personal growth and exploration. However, for some, life takes an unexpected turn. One woman, Joan, finds herself navigating the complexities of caregiving for both her elderly mother and her adult son, raising poignant questions about self-care and financial stability.

The Caregiving Dilemma

Joan, who reached out to leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov, describes her situation as overwhelming. After the death of her husband five years ago, she has shouldered the dual responsibilities of caring for her mother, who is in her 80s, and supporting her 28-year-old son, who has returned home following a difficult separation.

“I never thought 58 would feel like this,” Joan shared. She had dreams of traveling, enjoying friendships, and planning for her retirement. Instead, she is grappling with rising costs associated with her mother’s care, while also providing financial support for her son and his children.

Joan’s mother wishes to remain in her own home, but the escalating expenses for in-home care and medical equipment have placed significant strain on Joan’s finances. “Every month there’s another bill,” she lamented, noting that her own savings are dwindling. This financial burden has intensified her feelings of being pulled in multiple directions.

Steps Toward Financial Stability

In response to Joan’s heartfelt plea, Vanessa Stoykov offered practical advice aimed at improving her situation. Stoykov emphasized the importance of prioritizing personal financial security, stating that neglecting one’s own needs can ultimately lead to fewer resources to assist others.

“If you don’t protect your own financial stability, there won’t be much left to give anyone in the long run,” Stoykov advised.

Stoykov outlined several actionable steps for Joan to consider:

1. **Seek Professional Advice:** Consulting a licensed financial adviser can help create a tailored plan that addresses Joan’s unique circumstances, including her income, savings, and family obligations.

2. **Set Boundaries:** It is crucial for Joan to communicate openly with her son about the support she can realistically provide. Establishing boundaries can alleviate some of the emotional and financial strain she is experiencing.

3. **Explore Support for Her Mother:** Stoykov suggested that Joan investigate government programs and community resources that may help reduce the cost of in-home care. Engaging with organizations like My Aged Care could uncover available subsidies or services.

4. **Consider Home Equity:** If Joan’s mother owns her home, it may be possible to discuss how it could be utilized to help finance her care. Conversations about such matters, though challenging, can relieve some financial pressure and ensure that her mother’s wishes are respected.

Joan’s story resonates with many in similar circumstances, particularly women in their 50s who often find themselves sandwiched between the needs of their aging parents and their adult children. As Stoykov pointed out, the key to finding balance lies in taking care of oneself first.

Ultimately, Joan’s journey serves as a reminder that while caregiving is a noble pursuit, personal well-being should not be sacrificed. By taking proactive steps now, she can work towards achieving a sense of financial security and reclaiming her aspirations for the future.